Unhealthy Grieving

In the past few months business has picked up and I apologize for once again I abandoned this blog. But I can't help but to make an entry about the importance of healthy grieving. Some people don't know there is a difference, some people do, but as a pet artist I deal with the healthy and unhealthy both. Wonderfully with the seasonal rush I have had a few chances to work on some living friends which can be treated different than pets who are deceased. You can laugh with clients about antics and pitfalls, there's always tomorrow and even on rainy days there is a smile and the warmth of a friend. But for the grieving there is a hole of darkness, that is cold and lonely. For those who are mourning in an unhealthy manner, you can add terrifying- immobilizing fear, guilt and blame. These monsters slowly eat away at the confidence that a person has in themselves and becomes their whole world. They prevent the berieved from moving forward, from looking beyond one single moment in time. Once overwhelmed by the demons of their loss, they are inconsolable, and can be irrational in their mourning. A lifetime of experiences boils down to one fleeting moment where something terrible had to (or did by accident) happen- and despite all efforts there is nothing else that matters. This may go on for days, weeks, months or even years. To say it is debilitating is an understatement. The berieved can not stop blaming themselves or holding themselves accountable for things that are beyond their control. And I hate to be blunt but Death is beyond everyone's control- we all die, and there is nothing any of us can do to change that.
The biggest characteristic of unhealthy grieving is the "what if" game. They play it continually. Rather than let go and move on they ask "What if I forget?", "What if I had...they would still be here", "If only I had..." it's a vicious cycle of guessing and blaming that never ends. And while a new pet, or someone new in their life may refocus their attention for a bit- the overall demon is still under the skin waiting to come out when no one is around.
While one could take the berieved to a clinical psychiatrist and get a anti depressant for the emotional upheaval the core of the issue is how they are mourning. What friends of the berieved need to help them do is refocus their memories and stop blaming themselves. For all intents and purposes- the mourner is like a person wanting to look outside- but can't focus past the glass of the window. It's a barrier that needs to be torn down.   

Much like in the sample shot they look to their barrier rather than what is beyond it. "It's wet and cold= it must be miserable". Rather than "It's snowing out and there are birds at the feeders".  The berieved have similar trains that must be derailed. "I had to put him down- he suffered so much. I could not help him." Rather than: "He had a hard life, but in the end he was loved- and some never know that feeling. I gave him love and safety. He learned to trust again."
Also some owners are so focused on the here and how while they own a pet that they never take the time to do something they value as important. Pictures are a valuable way to remember ones that we have lost- both human and animal alike. Don't wait until it's too late to bring out the camera. Hold those memories forever. If you only have the time to take those last minute shots- please don't focus on that moment. For you may loose yourself in your grief. Refocus your memories on the positive, rather than the end.