Walking a Tightrope?- Screw this Shit I'm Jumping!

The past year I have been bustin it to try to establish some sort of safety net and norm. Some sort of pattern to base the day to day events in my life. And really I have learned: I don't think there is one. I find myself quoting Mother Theresa every few weeks saying "God wouldn't give me more than I can handle." -"But sometimes I wish he he didn't give me so much." I spent my summer flying from one show/event to another and on days off trying to have some fun and blow off some steam. Now into fall and early winter I get to catch my breath and catch up with some projects. If anyone has followed my Facebook page they have been able to keep up from horse show to Zoo, to Wildlife walk to cat show to .... .... But it would have been nice to be able to get enough time to write in this blog. But things have been flying so fast that it seems like I come home and literally fall asleep trying to get in the door. Other days I'm just trying to focus enough to get from one topic to another. Lately I've been thinking that if I can manage to keep a personal journal (where I vent and rant and rave) on a more regular basis than I can keep this (where I am trying to be all polished and professional) then maybe I am trying too hard.
When I was a kid I wanted to be a writer. At some point I had nearly 4 or 5 notebooks tied together as a story. I remember it was about two little girls and one was dying, but it never really go very far and teachers who would like to pound proper grammer and sentence structure into my feable right (run on sentence) minded brain- killed my confidence and any want left to write. As an adult I haven't really had time to write although after buying a house a few a years ago I did get the writing bug again and started up another story. I even went and researched how to get it published, but sadly that's far harder than it looks, and rejection is far more common that rain in a monsoon when it comes to publishers. So somewhere around here I have 8 chapters to a manuscript that I haven't decided what length I want it. More recently I wrote out a small story (which was all true) about the life of a ferret named Odin Snow. The whole purpose was to tell the world how much devotion and love your pets have for you. How they will go to any length to make you happy. And sometimes their devotion even means across death itself. I did share it on a pet grieving site and it was shared with many others and some suggested I try to publish it. But because of it's odd length it would be undesirable.
Lately this blog has been on my mind and I find myself trying to think of things to put in it that are interesting, and relating to my life as an artist. Sadly without going on and on about photo shoots, or trips to zoos that leaves drawing and painting tutorials which I am already doing on You Tube (it's doing well but lets face it reading about how to draw is like reading about grass growing BORING. So this all is seeming to be rather redundant. People who want to keep up on the day to day follow my Facebook page, those that want to learn are watching me on You Tube and this stupid thing still sits here; not updated and stiff and stifling. I have been so worried about being my own publicist, agent, promoter, photographer, artist and web designer, that really I just didn't give myself any allowable room to just be me. And down the road maybe at some point without going through my many hard drives someone would like to just know ME. Not Artist me, Not Professional Photographer, Not Hi I'm Your Boss So we can't be friends, not the front that I seem to have to wear 24/7. I'm tired of doing public Polish. I'm not saying that I'm turning this page into a rant (although there may be one here and there.) but letting down my hair and just going off topic. Whatever the hell is on my mind..and for that matter not caring about my language! I've had the same 4 followers for 3 years and doubt unless I say something that flags with national security that that will change. So I'm opening this up for little things like: "WOW there's a spray that mattes the sheen on graphite drawings!" or big things: "The Bull Shit politics of a dog show Really?!" or some non "PC" Topics like :"OK some photographers are just douche bags!!" "What the hell is it with people in THIS town??! Are you serious??! Your hot boxing with a kid in the car??!"
So I'm sure the next entry with be the disclaimer as I'm sure I'm going to want it.

Trying to find my feet...

Well, despite thoughts otherwise I see now why I never became a writer- seriously I can't think of that much topical stuff to write about- which is funny since I could talk all day long about nothing. LOL

The short version is change in full time employers...then a change of stores for 2 months... rebuilt store new crew and one by one less managers...things are still not totally settled but that's the 9-5 thing. The NON 9-5 thing is like WOW seriously??!

Winter of 2012 saw the first seasonal rush I have ever gotten. Literally booked from September thru Jan 2013. Then a week after the departure from one job came a call from old friends looking for a show photographer vendor for a cat show. I hadn't really seriously studied the photography thing and disclosed as much but they were happy to have me and with a 20$ budget rebuilt the booth with what I had to maximize profit, and time. I had never been so busy!! Clients lined up, people getting testy because they expected to walk in and sit right down for a consultation but had to wait as I was shooting cats! Sunday was less crazy but still kept me busy. I walked away with a month's rent and the realization that I needed to buckle down and study and be much better at what I didn't think I should/could do...

When I got home I found a letter in the mail from the Milwaukee Zoological Society asking if I would be interested in vending a National Conference in Oct 2014. After following up I found out that this invite is by recommendation ONLY. You can not apply to vend at this show! (Oh HELL YEAH)

Spring was fighting with the website for a overhaul... again. I keep spending money on this lame duck and it keeps just bobbing away not doing anything...A marketing meeting gave me a few ideas though..more work and more studying..yea...webdesign...:(

April was the Midwest Horse Fair and while I only could go for 1 day I spent it on my feet and working. 1st was to improve the quality of the shots I was taking. 2nd was to talk to owners and breeders rather than being a faceless blob in a mass of people. A very enlightening day. Even bumped into someone who I talked with online who is an equine photographer. Walked out Saturday feeling successful and accomplished. (with a potential of 2 sales/commissions) April and May also was 2 trips to the Milwaukee Zoo to get more ref shots for the upcoming AZAD show (the zoo conference).

May was double booked on an easy day! Memorial Weekend was Beaver Creek, Lots of good shots.Worked a 12 hour day before the show- 2 hours of sleep...was falling asleep at the tripod by the ring- had to leave early- Sunday :( Sunday got rained out...:( Had a few orders for prints :)

June... wait June was there somewhere right??! Umm yeah maybe? Still working on a commission from April.. And taking a class on Photo composition and editing... Full time hours: 55-60/week

July horse shows ren faire horse shows! Wait wasn't I working on a thing for-? Oh well..Finished the Charcoal commission in the end of July.. Thank God my poor clients probably thought I forgot about them...
Picked up a tablet for the computer to speed up photo edting now I get to learn a new program >.< Still at Full time hours: 55-60/week

August: Things are starting to settle down. Full time hours: about 50. Had a chance for a day off up in the Dells.Amazing how much of a workaholic I am. Spent 2 hours in a "safari park" getting refs for zoo conference. Shot the County fair picked up a few fans, some say they would order prints...got back to working on the large wolf painting.

Where did all the time go??

Unhealthy Grieving

In the past few months business has picked up and I apologize for once again I abandoned this blog. But I can't help but to make an entry about the importance of healthy grieving. Some people don't know there is a difference, some people do, but as a pet artist I deal with the healthy and unhealthy both. Wonderfully with the seasonal rush I have had a few chances to work on some living friends which can be treated different than pets who are deceased. You can laugh with clients about antics and pitfalls, there's always tomorrow and even on rainy days there is a smile and the warmth of a friend. But for the grieving there is a hole of darkness, that is cold and lonely. For those who are mourning in an unhealthy manner, you can add terrifying- immobilizing fear, guilt and blame. These monsters slowly eat away at the confidence that a person has in themselves and becomes their whole world. They prevent the berieved from moving forward, from looking beyond one single moment in time. Once overwhelmed by the demons of their loss, they are inconsolable, and can be irrational in their mourning. A lifetime of experiences boils down to one fleeting moment where something terrible had to (or did by accident) happen- and despite all efforts there is nothing else that matters. This may go on for days, weeks, months or even years. To say it is debilitating is an understatement. The berieved can not stop blaming themselves or holding themselves accountable for things that are beyond their control. And I hate to be blunt but Death is beyond everyone's control- we all die, and there is nothing any of us can do to change that.
The biggest characteristic of unhealthy grieving is the "what if" game. They play it continually. Rather than let go and move on they ask "What if I forget?", "What if I had...they would still be here", "If only I had..." it's a vicious cycle of guessing and blaming that never ends. And while a new pet, or someone new in their life may refocus their attention for a bit- the overall demon is still under the skin waiting to come out when no one is around.
While one could take the berieved to a clinical psychiatrist and get a anti depressant for the emotional upheaval the core of the issue is how they are mourning. What friends of the berieved need to help them do is refocus their memories and stop blaming themselves. For all intents and purposes- the mourner is like a person wanting to look outside- but can't focus past the glass of the window. It's a barrier that needs to be torn down.   

Much like in the sample shot they look to their barrier rather than what is beyond it. "It's wet and cold= it must be miserable". Rather than "It's snowing out and there are birds at the feeders".  The berieved have similar trains that must be derailed. "I had to put him down- he suffered so much. I could not help him." Rather than: "He had a hard life, but in the end he was loved- and some never know that feeling. I gave him love and safety. He learned to trust again."
Also some owners are so focused on the here and how while they own a pet that they never take the time to do something they value as important. Pictures are a valuable way to remember ones that we have lost- both human and animal alike. Don't wait until it's too late to bring out the camera. Hold those memories forever. If you only have the time to take those last minute shots- please don't focus on that moment. For you may loose yourself in your grief. Refocus your memories on the positive, rather than the end.

Public Speaking is for People with Nerves of Steel

That was something that was said to me by a teenager who overheard me say I am just a "horrible public speaker and I will never do that again!". It was followed up by the sentiment that teenagers are the hardest group of people to talk to, and that despite what I think- I probably did just fine. It's hard to judge until you've done it a bit. I stammered, lost my place in where I was going with points, may have gone on about being "afraid" to show art a bit too much. But for the most part I touched on all the points in my notes, had a few visual aids, and considering I had not done public speaking since high school- didn't die from stage fright. (although I did go home for a 4 hour nap afterwards). As much as I try I just can't warm up to doing Karaoke in bars, but I have tried to do something in between which is to say I have started to put together some video tutorials. They're mostly in response to a lack of actually teaching anyone anything about how to render animals in 2D. But I have heard that putting videos on YouTube will increase your visibility as far as your website goes. Apparently it all has to do with content- which follows why you should have a blog- (even if no one reads it). I guess the "new secret" to SEO is content, content, content. The more you mention your website on your blog, facebook page or even on YouTube the higher in the rankings Search Engines like Google will find your page- and then you don't have to pay for advertising. Don't know that it's true but it's worth a shot. So the first series of tutorials goes over drawing Cats. Doesn't sound like any great thing until I tell you I went to the lengths of actually putting the time in to teach people about how ANATOMY affects how the cat LOOKS. It's amazing how many people don't get that. It's like any other thing- draw it how it is- not how you think it is. Hopefully I am not talking over peoples heads and it will build up subscribers, viewers, and collectors. Or at least when I die it will leave something behind. It's a hell of a lot of work though. Waaaay more than I expected. For every 15 mins of video- there is about 10-12hrs worth of work editing and trimming so that I don't look like the babbling idiot I am on a regular basis. And I haven't even gotten to the DRAWING part of the tutorials! (I am hoping that will be easier) But since "House" has now officially ended I suppose this will be how I fill my Monday nights. If your reading this and your wondering what the hell I am talking about here's a link: Drawing & Painting Cats
Hopefully I will be more reliable about posting in this as well. Since it takes almost a hour for the video to convert I suppose I should make posting in here the habit I do while that's converting. Well, check it out let me know what you think. Later!

Doing This Isn't all about Art

Well next week I will be doing a presentation for a High School down in Milwaukee. The presentation is to an advanced art class and covers how I run my business, build up resources, and tips for those who are looking to go from doing art as a hobby to doing it professionally. This past week which has been busy beyond what I think I can normally handle. I sat down with an event coordinator who is looking to start "painting parties" in Wisconsin. It's not that it sounded like a bad idea, but with working 45+ hrs at my "bill paying" job, then running the committee for the dog park, and trying to choose good shows to attend when it comes to vending my art, I don't really have much free time to build lessons that are meant to be more entertaining than informative. My first response when he gets done telling me his spiel is "Have you looked at my website? I gave you the address- did you look at the work on there??" I get compliments but no acknowledgement as to "Not That detailed!" It wasn't really encouraging to have him tell me that the art these people were going to create was going to wind up in the trash or at best the back of a closet. I went through my pictures looking for what he said should be pictures that would take me 30 mins to paint and I could teach in 2 hrs to people who feel they couldn't even draw a stick figure. So he gives me 5 days to come up with 5 pictures (and the steps). I choose 4 stormy skyscapes, 1 landscape from a local park that I know I did in 20 mins, and a cartoon, which would be much more entertaining. I initially suggested watercolor due to it being more cost effective and more interpretive. It was shot down because of the lack of "canvas and uprightness". (basically it wasn't as flashy)  Hindsight being 20/20 I should have just declined. But I sent out the pictures and now these two customers don't come in like they used to (which is to say 3 or more times a week) I don't know if they think I am going to be upset if they say no, or what. Truth be told I was not in the gear of "drop everything" and "do this now". I didn't much appreciate the tone or the slight that this was more important than anything I had going on in my life including my full time job! So to those artists who may get approached by this "prospect". Please take it with a grain of salt, for your wisdom and years of experience are only as good as you are as an entertainer. But in the past 7 days along with dealing with the drudges of the "other thing" I did get another painting done:

 A cute little piece, Archie was up on the couch at the time. I had the canvas board prepped with a fall theme, and since I was just putting off picking out a shot from the Midwest Horse Fair I did this instead.
The Breakout was finished at the beginning of the week and preliminary pictures were posted on Facebook. but here's some for anyone who's reading this:

I finally have all the notes and handouts ready for that presentation next week and while I'm not wandering my apartment reciting paragraphs of material I have a good idea of what I want to cover. Most of it is material I wish I had as a senior looking to move into the art field after high school.

The dog park thing...Well it's not like I am trying to have a power trip. I started a facebook page for it because I heard people complaining they didn't know when the park was going to be open and who was going to be there when. Then when we lost a kid in the high grass and the bugs were so bad last summer I started calling to get it taken care of. Really I just wanted a safe friendly environment for Kodiak to play. Somewhere along the line though, someone who thinks anything that happens out there has to got through her, got a wild hair someplace unpleasant and doesn't like me. Whatever. I don't have time for unintelligent petty games. She did a wonderful job getting the surveys filled out, and I'm very thankful we have that information, by far got the most out of all the people who were out there. But sadly has chosen to try to use them as her own complaining platform instead of being constructive about it. I wish I could get her on the same page but unfortunately timing has seen fit to reinforce her ways rather than get her to simmer down and be reasonable. I did get a "committee" going as it quickly became apparent if the City of Sheboygan was going to allow us to have volunteers to help, I was not going to be able to handle this all on my own. Sadly I have spent so much time and effort into work and the dog park that I now have more people who like the dog park page than like My Page :(... With the new camera I am taking much better pictures and posting them with copyrights as a watermark so people don't just copy and paste them onto their own computers. Since I have changed my perspective on photography, all pictures that get posted there automatically get that unless they are really not all that flattering.

I do regret not having more blog entries than this, but I don't get any feedback and wonder how often anyone reads this.
I did start another Blog on WordPress : "Animal Art Resource" Animal Art Resource Blog on WordPress
What it is meant to be is a collaboration of artists, websites, galleries, forums, shows, and tutorials along with
information and tips on running an art business dealing with Pet & Wildlife art. I sadly have more artists following that than I have this blog which I why I let this one go. I am trying to make a better effort at keeping both of them up...along with facebook...sigh...when I am I supposed to paint?

The world just got a little smaller

Well this past weekend I went out to the Midwest Horse Fair which is something I have never been to. The first day I was stuck in traffic for 1/2 hour; the second for 2 hours trying to crawl the last mile to the fairgrounds. No place I have ever been has had this kind of traffic congestion and walking around it was like an all horse version of Disney World with the way the crowds were. But despite what was supposedly 50K people who were there, I still found people who I knew, or knew me. Which was an unexpected and pleasant surprise. I went with my game face on determined to make the most of my weekend, and in the end only could muster up enough for 2 days not all 3. I was far too exhausted to do the 3rd day. But with thousands of reference pictures and having talked with dozens of breeders, handlers, trainers and vendors I had really made the most out of the weekend and have learned a lot about how far I have come in my perspective of my business and representing myself. I treat everything with the same respect I am given and in turn are respected for my perspective, decorum and understanding. From TV personalities to internationally recognized trainers and breeders, I was floored to be respected and appreciated rather than dismissed and turned away. It may have something to do with my attitude or maybe my talent speaks for itself but I noticed that to those whom I did drop business cards with I received wide eyed surprise and genuine compliments. Coming home with stacks of new contacts and potential clients was the bonus to having the opportunity to photograph such beautiful and powerful creatures that more than once I was choked up and moved to nearly tears. My long list of studies has always included horses and inane amounts of knowledge about breeds, training, dressage, gaits, tack, all became apparent as I was aware of what I was looking at, while many others were just stunned or confused.  Along with the personal gain I learned several things that I didn't know, but as always tucking it away for some later use. I smiled a bit while I heard about how everyone had been bugging the re-en actors about WW2 horses and horses like "Joey" from Warhorse. Mostly because the public recognizes what is popular, not what it true, which was a point that got repeated over and over though out the weekend. Many of my pictures did not turn out as I hoped but non the less I have hundreds to work from.

Busy Busy where did the time go...

So it's mid April and I keep trying to stay on top of this blog better but things keep cropping up. Got caught up on The Breakout which is nearing it's completion, and still looking for an outdoor tent for vending. Next weekend I am off to the Midwest Horse Fair to scout the show and get reference pictures. A newer project is heading up the Sheboygan Dog Run volunteer committee. I have four people that are heading up various areas within the park including surveying the usage of the park by the public. It may turn out to be a short project as I am hearing not a lot of people would like anything done with the park, and we may hit a brick wall with the town of Wilson about making improvements. It is proving to be a huge learning experience though even if I don't get any credit for any of the improvements. A totally art note would be that I am being invited to speak to some high school art kids about being a professional artist, using social media, agents and representing yourself. With all this going on plus 45 hr weeks I haven't had much time for doing the art part of my business, but having lots of art is no good if you have no one to sell it to. So all this networking will help out down the road.